An Almost-Poem...

January 31, 2005

Invisible: so I hope in You who are unseen
Immortal: You exist throughout eternity
King of Ages: You will reign above a glassy sea
The only wise God: alone of glory deserving

You are real, though not yet in my sight
You are comfort, keeping watch through the night
You are Sovereign, a ruler of tenderness and might
You are the Word, speaking Creation into light



You are Love, steadfast and perfect
You are Truth, in whom is no darkness
You are Mercy, saving the undeserving

How You give us the desires of our hearts when we delight ourselves in You!
How You shower us abundantly with gifts, making known Your will and giving wisdom.

You are Sacrifice, the blameless one covering my guilt with perfect blood
You are Redemption, buying back the one who was dead and restoring life
You are Lord, to whom I bow and all allegiance give, as Slave to Master
You are Friend, Closest One who knows my every thought and fear
You are Provider, competent for bird and Man alike, to assuage every need.
You are God.

A Bizarre Event

Yesterday was the first day of school (not the bizarre event, that's coming later), but it is only the second day of classes, so I will update. :) I love my classes so far! I've been back to school for almost a week now, and it almost seems like I never left. But it also feels like I've been gone a looooong time. I like my wingmates-- what I've seen of them so far-- and it has been fantastic to reunite with "my IBEX people."

Some of us met last Saturday afternoon to pray for the IBEX staff, and the new group going over, and it turned into a 5-hour thing!! It was awesome. We started out at Hotchkiss lounge: sang some of our semester songs (about 45 min), prayed for the staff and each other (45 min)... then realized we had missed dinner at the caf. So, we went to InNOut, all ten of us, and came back and ate and hung out in a lounge, since InNOut was packed, nowhere to sit. We each shared what God had taught us over break, or thoughts we'd been having even since getting back to TMC proper, and it was so good. I can't even express how encouraging it was. It's especially poignant because I know we won't have the same opportunity to do that during the semester-- everyone's just too busy and going all different directions. Hannah, Jenn, Kai, David, Philippe, Shane, Micah, Mary, Erin D and I just had a blast with each other. Hopefully next time others won't have schedule conflicts!! It's nigh unto impossible to get everyone together at once, but last night at dinner we were fortunate to sit together, unplanned: Holly, Hannah, Jenn, Emily, Salome, Micah, Philippe, Chris, and me. There's at least one of my people in all my classes so far... and Shane's in three of them. Weird. But cool! 8 of us are taking a second semester of Hebrew. I'm gonna die. Not if I work really hard, but I still might die from it even if I do work really hard. We'll see. I'll do my best, and rely on God's power.

After dinner/'sharing time'... some of us went to Sweazy for a birthday cake party thing for Naomi (Erin's old roommate), and some went to the basketball game. Some(ok, I) went to the party, then the game. Micah even took some pictures with a sweet Chapel Media camera! It was toward the end... 3 minutes left... and the 'Stangs were ahead by two, when at literally the last second, the other team made a 3-pointer. So crazy. I wish I could have seen more of the game, but I'd rather talk with people and what we did do was good, so no worries.

So, the bizarre event: Campus security called me at 1 am Saturday morning.... Could you please come down to the Swixon parking lot? There's been an incident with your vehicle... My heart pounding, I wasn't sure if it was a prank (and a weird one at that), so I took a couple people with me down there-- I wasn't gonna go by myself! Sure enough, there was a security guy... and a silver car blocking mine (so I thought.) Turns out its passenger side was kissing my bumper. We could not figure out the situation. How bizarre, that someone would run into my car, then leave! Turns out, it rolled from its parking space, and the owner had no idea what had happened. Only $400 damage to my car, but $1100 to hers, none of which I have to pay for. So it will work out fine. It was freezing standing out there, though! Absolutely bizarre. See picture below-- my car's bumper is on the right.

God is so gracious, even when His people are unfaithful. I see it in the Word in the Israelites' story... and I see it in my own life. If I really dwelt consistently on Christ, I would live differently. I just hope my life gives a testimony of His grace. I needed His grace to repent; and I still need His grace, daily, to live in a manner worthy of the Gospel.

His lovingkindness is everlasting.
M

Dangerous Prayers

Have you ever prayed for patience? God likes to respond by training us in patience by graciously providing trials that stretch, and test, and grow the patience we thought we wanted.

Well, I think the same often may be said of asking for humility. Our Lord will answer that prayer in the affirmative by humbling the one who makes that request.

Pride is so ugly, yet I am filled with it. That is not who I am anymore! But it creeps in, often unbeknownst to me... until its filth is glaringly revealed by the light of God's truth. It is painful to have the abscess of pride expunged from your heart, but it is a very freeing pain.

I've been "stuck" at one chapter of Andrew Murray's book, The Master's Indwelling. It is my goal to read one chapter each night before I go to bed, but I have been reading the seventh chapter for several days now-- the one that elaborates on humility. Here is just one small excerpt.

What is it that prevents people from coming to that entire surrender
that we speak of? It is simply that they do not dare abandon
themselves and trust themselves to God. They are not willing
to be nothing, to give up their wishes, their will, and their
honor to Christ. Will we refuse the salvation that Jesus offers?
He gave up His own will. He gave up His own honor. He gave up
any confidence in Himself. He lived dependent upon God as a
servant whom the Father had sent. This is the salvation we
need--the Spirit of humility that was in Christ.

I am glad I can trust my heart surgeon-- He's the best one around, you know.
M

I thought of a really good post-title while I was driving yesterday, but now I have forgotten it...

Truth and Life has begun! It has been SUCH A BLESSING to be here!! I feel really content in it. I have discovered that the best place to be is where the Lord wants you. There are so many people with whom I need to catch up. I hope to eventually, but must be patient, because right now meals are not good times/places to talk privately, with everyone just getting back and being social. There will be time later to plan lunch dates, something I am greatly looking forward to! Yes, that is a dangling preposition I left there, but "something to which I am greatly looking forward" didn't sound right.

Not much to report at the moment... not that this is a formal report. I feel a little cold but refuse to turn on the heat if I am leaving soon to run an errand, which I am, so I'll just deal with it. I discovered that I didn't bring very much stuff. Really. It felt like a lot, but I have plentiful drawer-space and am a bit mystified as to what to do with it. I haven't bought books yet, so that would probably alleviate at least one bare shelf. I don't know what I'll do with the other half of the room that is soon-to-be bare... we'll see. Creative, frugal things are on the way, I think.

God is so good.
M


Sunrise at Petra Youth Hostel, Jerusalem

A Few of My Favorite [People]

I'm breaking the precedent of posting on even-numbered days, but probably no one noticed that except me. A little thing called Winterim disrupted my schedule a teeny bit, but it's over now. I am so thankful I had the opportunity to go! I think two factors would have to coincide in order to survive an intense one-week class like that, though. In my case, last week great teacher and great topic did in fact intersect: one of my favorite teachers (Dr. Behle- seen above snitching Turkish coffee from a waiter at Abu Gosh Restaurant), teaching an extremely important topic (Theology). I learned a ton, even got super excited about it and was spurred on to be bold in my faith. I hope what I learned will stick.

Heather and Kristen were able to come visit us last weekend! It was definitely wonderful to see my sister-in-law and her sister-- not blood family, but family nonetheless. They have both grown and changed since we last saw each other, as have I. We had a great time.

I don't have much to say, except I was recently reminded-- as we learned about election and propitiation and justification-- how little I deserve God's grace. And how my response should be to continually live in light of God's work on the Cross: to live a holy life, under the empowerment of the Holy Spirit, and to share my faith with others who are as lost as I once was. It's sobering to contemplate the fate of those who do not know Christ. I can rest in His sovereignty, knowing He has chosen those whom he will bring to repentance, yet I must be obedient in sharing the Good News. It's humbling to remember that even faith is given to me by God. Nothing on my own accord has made me closer to God. I can repent because He gave repentance to me. I still don't understand how it all works, but I am sure of this: He has chosen me. I rejoice in that truth and exult in it.

Studying the end times definitely provokes a different perspective, lends an urgency to proclaiming the message. I really wish I thought about eternity more-- what it's really going to be like. How differently I would live. Know what's cool? Jesus is coming back to Jerusalem someday. The dead in Christ will rise first. We will be snatched up in the air with Him. I can't wait to see what it's actually going to be like!

As I drove home from school last Friday, one song on the CD I was listening to gripped me. The lyrics (by Augustus Toplady, and later Bob Kauflin) are below.

Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me

Rock of Ages, cleft for me
Let me hide myself in Thee
Let the water and the blood
Fromy Thy wounded side which flowed
Be of sin the double cure
Save from wrath and make me pure

All the labors of my hands
Could not meet Thy law's demands
Could my zeal no respite know
Could my tears forever flow
All for sin could not atone
Thou must save, and Thou Alone

Nothing in my hands I bring
Simply to Thy cross I cling
Naked, come to Thee for dress
Helpless, look to Thee for grace
To Thy fountain, Lord, I fly
Wash me Savior or I die

While I draw this fleeting breath
When my eyes shall close in death
When I soar to worlds unknown
See Thee on Thy judgment throne
Rock of Ages, cleft for me
Let me hide myself in Thee

Wow.
M

On Dentists and Demographics

Who ever conceived of a dentist who would traverse such topics as demographics and socio-cultural mores during a visit? But what better audience to enjoy than a mute, captive one-- one whose mouths are effectively silenced by the number of hands in them.

I got my teeth cleaned yesterday, and it was quite the one-sided conversation. My dentist is weird like that, though. He's brusque and not much of a "bedside-manner-er," but he likes to talk. So I was subjected to his spiel, this time on demographics and society. At least I didn't end up going home in tears this time.

But beyond the level of tooth decay which is indicative of my social status (I think he's on to something...), I realized something in my own heart that reflects the human condition. My terse dentist told me I need to take better care of my teeth. After all, gum disease has been scientifically linked to other ailments such as heart disease. So in addition to brushing at least twice daily (which I have no problem completing, thanks in part to my fastidious roommate's example) and flossing at least once daily, I'm supposed to use the newly-patented Hydro Floss machine that squirts ionically-charged water into the spaces where bacteria thrive and no toothbrush bristles can reach.

No big deal to just do it for a few minutes each day, right? Well, immediately, my inner voice retorted, Well, what if I don't want to? It's my mouth... I don't care if my teeth are bad when I'm older; everyone's teeth are bad when they're old! What about tribes in Africa who don't have toothbrushes?? If I'm a missionary someday, I might have to live without floss and toothbrush, and it would be ok. They didn't have toothpaste in Bible times!...

And so on. And I realized that I have no room to look down on people who don't do what is ultimately in their best interests. It's always been mystifying why people do not do what is obviously good for them... why, in fact, they tend to choose to do what is the exact antithesis of what is good for them, inflicting wounds on themselves that were completely avoidable. But I do the same thing, if on a smaller scale. It might not be a sin to commit bad "oral hygiene," but the same principle is involved.

Just as an incidental... it's always so frustrating when a dentist asks you a question, or asserts a claim you wish to rebut... but you're woefully unable to say anything because of his very own hands and instruments in your mouth, making it barely possible to breathe and mostly impossible to speak articulately. You'd think they would have figured out the cause-effect relationship to that by now. Hands in patient's mouth obstructing speech+ question asked by owner of hands=no answer to question except head wiggle or raised eyebrows.

I'm so glad I won't need to visit dentists in Heaven. That sounds so juvenile, but it sheds light on the greater truth of being with God; living in a new, perfect body He will give me; being in a place where there is no night, no need for sun to shine, no tears or pain or death or sorrow. A perfect place where I won't even care about what my teeth are like because I will be consumed with worshiping my Lord and King.

Now that's something to look forward to.

I just remembered I should be vigilant in waiting for Jesus's return. Are you watching for Him?
M

the Voice

You really must read the entire book to grasp the full significance of this passage, but it's one of my favorites-- the passage, and the book, C.S. Lewis's The Horse and His Boy.

"I was the lion." And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."
"Then it was you who wounded Aravis?"
"It was I."
"But what for?"
"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."
"Who are you?" asked Shasta.
"Myself," said the Voice, very deep and low so that the earth shook: and again "Myself," loud and clear and gay: and then the third time "Myself," whispered so softly you could hardly hear it, and yet it seemed to come from all round you as if the leaves rustled with it.
Shasta was no longer afraid that the Voice belonged to something that would eat him, nor that it was the voice of a ghost. But a new and different sort of trembling came over him. Yet he felt glad too.

It's supposed to be fiction... or is it? Whatever kind of book it is, it caused me to think. So often in life we are unaware of God's purposes behind our circumstances. He directs our paths in ways about which we have no clue. We're not exactly pawns in some cosmic scheme of His, but we may as well be sometimes, for how much help we are! He directs the courses of kings and commoners. Nothing is too difficult for Him. He provides for needs of which we are unaware. I should not compare myself to others, sizing up their life and situation; it is my task to be content in the surroundings in which God has seen fit to place me. A healthy fear of God is a valuable thing for a believer to cultivate.

Strange how a child's book can inculcate deep truths. Yet isn't it the faith of a child that Jesus pointed out as exemplary?

Hail, hail, Lion of Judah; how powerful You are.
M

a door named '2006' beckons...

A New Year
At first I thought it nothing special... but He reminded me it was indeed a beginning. Just as God ordained Day and Night to delineate time, so also there are seasons and months and years, observable in Nature's rhythms of life. No arbitrary demarcation of Man, the distinction placed on the passage of time is yet important to us, because God chose it to be so. His thoughts are higher than our own, as are His ways. He cannot be compared to us, though we often attempt an absurdly inadequate comparison. He is mighty; our flesh is weak. He is infinite; we are temporal. He is love; we are sinners. How great is His mercy toward us-- in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us! He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life: the only way.

Hiding His Word
I'm trying to decide what passage to memorize for the first quarter of this 'Year 2006.' Right now the competitors are Ps 34, Deut 8, Isa 58, and... anything else God may choose. It's always kind of a strange thing, to attempt to pick a chapter. How should I decide? How do I know what God would have me commit to memory, and which passage does He desire to use to speak to me? But He is a faithful Guide.

Waiting
I've discovered I'm not very good at 'waiting quietly for the salvation of the Lord.' I can't measure my waiting, because by definition, it seems to be an absence of action. How can one measure doing nothing (so it seems to my human mind)? I want to listen more in my times with God. I've done far too much talking already.

I have a strange feeling that God is up to something. This year looms portentously before me: not in a bad way, but in an exciting way. The life of faith is humanly uncertain, yet it is certainly hopeful when that human hopes in the One who is unseen.

Sing, o my soul, to your Redeemer
We sang several Word-based songs in church today, a great encouragement to my soul. Giving flight to words declaring His lovingkindness-- helping the truth soar into the invisible waves of sound that reach a Body’s ears-- can and should be extremely heartening. God is always at work, though we often cannot see it. Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up.

Rejoicing in the unchangingness of His grace,
M